Hi, tiny human.
How are you doing these days?
How do you feel? And WHAT do you feel?
Have you talked with anyone today?
Have you told anyone what's been going on in your head?
Are you hiding your emotions because you are ashamed of you real feelings? If so, talk with someone. Call to your friends. Tell them you need them. And don't forget being there for them too!
It might sound funny to you, however, those are very important questions to ask. Actually, I convinced of it many times. Many times I was afraid of apprising that I need help. No one asked. It was also caused because I pretended I was okay and people DID believed that.
The next time it was when I found out my friend tried to commit suicide, to end her life. Feelings of emptiness, feeling that you can't stop.
We talked on the phone a few days later and she told me: Is everything okay? It doesn't seem so. You look so tired and when you go through the corridor, it's simply visible you just want to quickly disappear. You even haven't noticed me walking next to you!
She saw me and knew. She knew I'm not alright. We just drew a conclusion of importance of this question. Because this question can SAVE someone's life. (You know I'm speaking about you - just want to say I love you, Princess, and I'm always here for you.)
So I'm asking you, HOW ARE YOU?
These days are TOUGH. We are all going through something we haven't experienced before. The news about coronavirus rush from everywhere. Everything you read, everything you open is full of this word, including information telling us the number of infected. Who wouldn't be stressed and scared?
I feel totally depressed. My mental state has got better, however, it's all gone. The work I've done on my way of thinking is fogged up with darkness. And yeah, you are right. It has started since the isolation. Despite it's not an absolute ban, it's strict. Especially when you live in the city without parks or forest nearby.
I'm a passionate runner and I had a quadriceps thigh muscle injury so I haven't been able to run for a while, and I was planning that this week I would be running again. However, the plan have already collapsed into the dust. I was thinking it wouldn't be that hard, but I was wrong, unexpectedly.
I also honor the responsibility and I do my best to not going out if it's not necessary. Yesterday I walked to the forest and I was surprised how many people were there. It seemed the restriction had actually a pretty opposite effect than it should've had.
I miss running insanely much.
All of my friends live quite far away from here and they live in villages surrounded by nature. They keep sending me pictures of being outside and running there, enjoying a sunny, warm weather and incoming spring. Firstly I felt a huge envy. I was so jealous they could go running and do sports outside! However, very soon it has changed into an enormous depression. I can't stop crying today, that's how I feel. For real. During 2 days, ONLY 2 days, I had 2 panic attacks. The first one I had at night. It came so suddenly and I thought I was going to die, literally. I couldn't breathe and my dad heard that and came to me, trying to calm me down. The second one happened when I had seen a spam of outside pictures showing the countryside and forests. I just went to my dad again and I cried in his arms. My family got used to it.
The problem it's actually not impossibility to go running, but my eating disorder. I've been going through it for many years (it's been maybe 7 years?), however, I have never cured myself, or at least not completely. And that's the problem. Wanna hear the truth?
I don't eat much these days. How can I normally eat if I can't run, swim and so on? For my brain it's unacceptable. I do home workouts a lot. Because if I didn't do that, I would have been feeling reproachfully toward myself. I can't see my body shape in the mirror. For me, it's ugly. And it makes me so depressed.
I know damn well that all of these restrictions are the best we can do within the fight with this coronavirus bastard and that we must protect ourselves and be responsible. And I accept that. Yet I feel so, so lonely.
I bow to you all, who are getting used to it and tackle with this problem head-on, to all doctors, nurses, hospitals, firefighters, policemen...You are my inspiration to stay positive. I'm trying to find a strength.
Although it's a time for doing stuff we haven't had time to do, to educate ourselves, read, do many productive activities, I STILL feel like I'm swimming in the sea, in the confused sea which draws me in further and further and I'm trying to swim, swim to the shore, to take a breath and save myself, but those huge waves keep taking me deeper and deeper.
That's how I feel.
How are you doing these days?
How do you feel? And WHAT do you feel?
Have you talked with anyone today?
Have you told anyone what's been going on in your head?
Are you hiding your emotions because you are ashamed of you real feelings? If so, talk with someone. Call to your friends. Tell them you need them. And don't forget being there for them too!
It might sound funny to you, however, those are very important questions to ask. Actually, I convinced of it many times. Many times I was afraid of apprising that I need help. No one asked. It was also caused because I pretended I was okay and people DID believed that.
The next time it was when I found out my friend tried to commit suicide, to end her life. Feelings of emptiness, feeling that you can't stop.
We talked on the phone a few days later and she told me: Is everything okay? It doesn't seem so. You look so tired and when you go through the corridor, it's simply visible you just want to quickly disappear. You even haven't noticed me walking next to you!
She saw me and knew. She knew I'm not alright. We just drew a conclusion of importance of this question. Because this question can SAVE someone's life. (You know I'm speaking about you - just want to say I love you, Princess, and I'm always here for you.)
So I'm asking you, HOW ARE YOU?
These days are TOUGH. We are all going through something we haven't experienced before. The news about coronavirus rush from everywhere. Everything you read, everything you open is full of this word, including information telling us the number of infected. Who wouldn't be stressed and scared?
I feel totally depressed. My mental state has got better, however, it's all gone. The work I've done on my way of thinking is fogged up with darkness. And yeah, you are right. It has started since the isolation. Despite it's not an absolute ban, it's strict. Especially when you live in the city without parks or forest nearby.
I'm a passionate runner and I had a quadriceps thigh muscle injury so I haven't been able to run for a while, and I was planning that this week I would be running again. However, the plan have already collapsed into the dust. I was thinking it wouldn't be that hard, but I was wrong, unexpectedly.
I also honor the responsibility and I do my best to not going out if it's not necessary. Yesterday I walked to the forest and I was surprised how many people were there. It seemed the restriction had actually a pretty opposite effect than it should've had.
I miss running insanely much.
All of my friends live quite far away from here and they live in villages surrounded by nature. They keep sending me pictures of being outside and running there, enjoying a sunny, warm weather and incoming spring. Firstly I felt a huge envy. I was so jealous they could go running and do sports outside! However, very soon it has changed into an enormous depression. I can't stop crying today, that's how I feel. For real. During 2 days, ONLY 2 days, I had 2 panic attacks. The first one I had at night. It came so suddenly and I thought I was going to die, literally. I couldn't breathe and my dad heard that and came to me, trying to calm me down. The second one happened when I had seen a spam of outside pictures showing the countryside and forests. I just went to my dad again and I cried in his arms. My family got used to it.
The problem it's actually not impossibility to go running, but my eating disorder. I've been going through it for many years (it's been maybe 7 years?), however, I have never cured myself, or at least not completely. And that's the problem. Wanna hear the truth?
I don't eat much these days. How can I normally eat if I can't run, swim and so on? For my brain it's unacceptable. I do home workouts a lot. Because if I didn't do that, I would have been feeling reproachfully toward myself. I can't see my body shape in the mirror. For me, it's ugly. And it makes me so depressed.
I know damn well that all of these restrictions are the best we can do within the fight with this coronavirus bastard and that we must protect ourselves and be responsible. And I accept that. Yet I feel so, so lonely.
I bow to you all, who are getting used to it and tackle with this problem head-on, to all doctors, nurses, hospitals, firefighters, policemen...You are my inspiration to stay positive. I'm trying to find a strength.
Although it's a time for doing stuff we haven't had time to do, to educate ourselves, read, do many productive activities, I STILL feel like I'm swimming in the sea, in the confused sea which draws me in further and further and I'm trying to swim, swim to the shore, to take a breath and save myself, but those huge waves keep taking me deeper and deeper.
That's how I feel.
Yours Andrea
PS: Protect yourself, respect ALL the rules and restrictions and try to STAY SAFE please.
Hopefully, we will return to a normal life soon again. Let's hope!
Comments
Post a Comment